009 Motherhood + Community

Motherhood can feel isolating. However, Christ calls us into community repeatedly… including motherhood! In this episode I discuss why we need biblical community throughout motherhood and what that looks like.


Pam Bailey [Intro]: Welcome to the Soul Sister Podcast with Pam Bailey. Grab a cup of coffee, sister and let sit and chat about all of the things that lead us to a Christ-centered life, full of purpose and joy.

Pam Bailey: Welcome ladies to season two, episode two of the soul sisters with Pam Bailey podcast. Always I am your host Pam and I am so excited that you are with me today. I want to jump right into this episode. We’re going to have a really good chat about motherhood plus community and what that looks like from a biblical perspective for you and I, as moms. Recently, I did a very small poll on my social media. And when I say small, I mean that it was tiny. One of the questions I asked was if moms felt that they had community during their motherhood experience. The moms who responded to my questionnaire were anywhere from new, having a newborn on up to grandkids. And so their motherhood experiences were very vast, but 80% of the women who responded to that question said, no, they did not feel like they had community with motherhood. Sisters, I find this incredibly sad and alarming at the same time.

So, I really want to have a good discussion about what that community should look like.

The first question that we have to answer in this podcast is what is biblical community? And I want to give several scriptures here that are going to give us a really good definition and vision of what that looks like. The first is found in Acts 2:42 – 45. And they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and the fellowship to the breaking of bread and the prayers, and all came upon every soul and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles and all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. This is very early into the book of Acts.

So we have just gone through Jesus’s ministry, his life and death and resurrection. And at this point in the story of the early church, Christ has ascended to heaven like within a few weeks of that happening. And the holy spirit as Christ had promised that it would came upon the early believers who were gathered. And so those early believers very quickly started sharing the gospel of Christ.

And this is in the second chapter that we’re watching a biblical community form. And sisters don’t forget that Christ gave us biblical community as an example, when he called the disciples to follow him. That group of 12 men were following Jesus, learning from Jesus, building their understanding and their wisdom as a group that could later go do the same thing. And so of course, you know, my passion for discipleship, this is what discipleship looks like, but it also builds biblical community. In that biblical community when we look at the book of Acts, we see teaching, fellowship, breaking of bread, praying together, signs and wonders being done, people were selling things in order to help those who had none. They would attend church together. They were generous in their hearts. And this model that very quickly happens after Jesus’s Ascension led to multitudes of people receiving Christ. Let’s also look at first John 1:1 – 4. That, which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands concerning the word of life. The life was made manifest, and we have seen it and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was the father and was made manifest to us, [this talking about Jesus and God]. That which we have seen and heard, we proclaim also to you so that you too may have fellowship with us and indeed our fellowship is with the father and with his son, Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.

Once again, we’re seeing the commonality of Christ bringing people together in fellowship. And then this is our scripture that is most important for today’s discussion Titus 2. But as for you teach what accords with sound doctrine, older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith in love and in steadfastness. Older women, likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good. And so train the young women to love their husbands and children to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands that the word of God may not be reviled.

Let’s examine the scripture from Titus in reference to what we should be doing to help create authentic relationships in our community to serve one another.

Ladies I have no time in my life for the dog and pony show. And I simply don’t know how else to describe it. This biblical community that we see in Acts that makes our joy complete in 1st John, and that gives us specific instructions on how to be with one another in Titus, these things are real and authentic. This is what God designs for his children to be in together. And so, this is not a country club. This is not something for show, but this is real life, Titus. Let’s look at the first instruction that is given here and I want to say, I do have to make this notation that it does say that it is for men, but hold up because I’m going to explain that in just a few seconds. So, the first instruction here looks like this;

  1. to be sober-minded,
  2. dignified,
  3. self-control,
  4. sound in faith
  5. in love and
  6. in steadfastness.

So, I know this just said me, but these are characteristics that you and I should be aiming for in our personal life.

Not because we want to be this great person in the midst of community that everyone puts up on a pedestal and oh, none of that, ladies. These are characteristics that God desires for his children to possess. Why? Because we’re the salt of the earth and what good is salt if it has lost its flavor and its saltiness? Our lives should look like sober mindedness, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith in love and in steadfastness. Now I know many of you are hung up on that this was a man instruction. But as we begin, verse two, we see the phrase, “Older women are likewise,” meaning older women are also to be… Okay, so we have the men instruction and now older women are also supposed to be the things that I’m about to list on top of what the men are. Let’s add what I just read for the men to what older women are also to be. Reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to too much wine, teach what is good, train the young women to love their husbands and children. Be self-controlled, pure, working at home. Kind, submissive to your husband. And all of this takes place so that God’s word isn’t reviled or slandered. I do want to read this. If you’ll allow me, I do want to read this from the NLT.

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God, they must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children to live wisely and be pure to work in their homes, to do good and to be submissive to their husbands, then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Sisters, in order to build a biblical community that mirrors that of what we have read in Acts, we need to possess some characteristics that are presented here in Titus. You will also find the same characteristics in chapters of Galatians and Colossians. These characteristics are important as they represent Christ, but they also enable us to be authentic and helpful and loving with those that we’re in community with. How does all of this present with motherhood and community? If we look at Titus 2 and look at the instruction for the older women to train the younger women, the word train here in the Greek means to spur on. What is spurring on? It’s encouragement and its wisdom all built in together. So, sisters, where are my cheerleaders at? This is your moment to shine.

We need to be involved in life with other moms and other wives. We need to offer biblical encouragement to one another. And sisters, I know that this is such a hard conversation, but oftentimes biblical encouragement comes with correction and let’s be real: none of us like correction, but it is through the correction of the holy spirit and the guidance of God’s holy word, that you and I are able to grow to shed that old sinful flesh, to put that flesh man down, to grow in our spirit, and to have the characteristics that are listed in Titus Galatians, Colossians. Those ones that we see repeated so much this is how you and I are able to grow and grow and to be the salt of the earth. We also must allow ourselves to be open, to receive biblical encouragement, training, and wisdom. It’s so easy for us to say these things to other people and yet we shut down ourselves when someone is trying to encourage, to train, to correct, to build us up. And in order for us to be able to train other people, we need to be trained. We need to allow ourselves to be trained.

Sisters, relationships don’t always come naturally and we have to work at them. And sometimes quite frankly, they are messy and we are humans. But when we go back to the Christ word, we are reminded of how we should love and how we should act. And so, when sometimes we get off kilter with our characteristics are described in these verses, then sisters just repent and say, “hey, I love you. And I’m so glad that I’m in this biblical community where I can be my real self and say, I just really missed the mark and I want to do better. And I want to correct myself. And I want to allow the holy spirit to transform me from the inside out. And so, thank you for living with me and my messiness and for allowing me the opportunity to grow.”

So that means that you also give grace to other women in your life and you recognize that just as messy as they are, so are you. That’s the beauty of biblical community. We’ve often heard that saying that it takes a village and sisters, we are not created to be islands by ourselves. You’ve heard me say that a million times. Christ gave us the model of community. We need to be in community. So, join the village. Like don’t keep bucking the system of the village. Just recognize that you need to be in the village.

So come on, enjoy it, take a moment and just soak it up and allow the village to be a part of your life and you be a part of it. It will benefit you as a mother. It will benefit you as a wife, Titus tells us.

I know many of you are going to roll your eyes at me in this moment, but actually have a challenge for you with this podcast. This week I want you to call up two to three mom, friends of various ages and ask them over for coffee or tea. Give the kiddos some snacks, let them run around and you ladies just enjoy each other and just chat. Don’t be slanderers. Don’t be gossip, but just chat about the goodness of God and what you may be struggling with in your own life as a wife and as a mother, and allow people to pour out holy spirit wisdom into your life. And likewise do the same for others.

I pray for your community. I know that many of us often struggle as women feeling like we just don’t want to let our guard down to be in that community. And so, I would encourage you to go back and check out season one of my podcast if you have not, about being a soul sister to other people and what it means for you to have soul sisters in your life, that was episodes one and two.

We truly are meant to be in community. And that is God’s desire for us. It’s why he, so commonly shows us throughout all of scripture, how community interacts with one another and how community spurs on one another in the faith.

We need each other ladies. We need each other. And so don’t feel like you are by yourself in motherhood. Motherhood can be one of the most isolating things in this world because we often feel like we have to do all of this ourselves. And we don’t. And I know so many times we give all of this wisdom to what feels like newborn moms, “hey, newborn moms, when the baby naps you nap. And when someone asked to bring you dinner, you accept.” And so, we say all of this wisdom for newborn moms, but then we don’t continue to invite ourselves or ask to be a part of the life of moms as that child is growing. I can’t tell you how many parents have come to me over the years in ministry, from kids’ church through youth ministry, through college age, asking me for motherly wisdom about the various stages of childhood. And then I have some very special women in my life who are grandmothers who still need wisdom. So don’t neglect being in relationship with one another, being in community with other moms and truly being the hands and feet of Christ with each other through motherhood.

Pam Bailey [Outro]: Ladies, thanks for following me. I love you so much. And I appreciate every like share, subscribe, all the things that you all have done. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook @thepambailey and my new website has launched. It’s also thepambailey.com. And I would love for you to go take a peek at that. As always ladies keep worshiping and finding joy in every moment.

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