006 Help! I unleashed on my kid

 

Pam shares 3 tips for what to do in the crazy motherhood moments where you feel out of control and anger seems to get the best of you. 

  1. Take a moment with Jesus. This moment needs to happen on a regular basis. I have talked about this in several podcast lately, but you want to make sure that your spiritual cup is full. Consistent time with Jesus can’t be denied. It impacts every area of our life. Our relationships, our home environment, our work, you name… Jesus impacts it. 
  2. Repent. Sisters, if motherhood isn’t leading you to regular repentance, please let me know how you do it. As women of God we need to recognize when we’ve missed the mark. We also need to be bold enough to say, “Jesus, I am sorry. You have given me these precious babies and right now I am so angry. Please forgive me and lead me.”
  3. Be slow. Oh this is one scripture that I need reminding of DAILY. I should honestly consider framing it in my house. James 1: 19 says “know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

Transcription

Welcome to the Soul Sister Podcast with Pam Bailey, grab a cup of coffee sister and let’s sit and chat about all of the things that lead us to a Christ-centered life, full of purpose and joy. 

Hi sisters, it’s Pam, and welcome to today’s podcast, titled “Help I just unleashed on my kids”. If you follow me on social media, you know, that I made a big joke about this, about two weeks ago and I said that. Not-so-great homeschool moment was going to lead me to this podcast. And sisters I couldn’t wait here it is, it’s ready to go. So, some of you do know the story. One morning I unleashed on my 11-year-old, and now here I am going full confessional on the podcast. Two reasons why I’m doing this number one this is my real life and number two I also believe that this is your real life as well. And so I want to speak to myself, and I want to speak to my sisters out there today, to try to give us some helpful tips about this motherhood thing. The reality is that motherhood is no joke. And I honestly don’t know if there is anything that leads us closer to Christ in sanctification, the way that motherhood does. There is an abundance of joy. And then there’s frustration. There is peace, and then there’s anxiety, and sometimes, all of those actually just happened simultaneously at the same moment. And I don’t know if there’s anything else in life that can bring out every single emotion possible. 

The way that motherhood does i’ve had my fair share of losing it and unleashing on my kiddos. So this is my confession moment, I am not a perfect mother, and if I have ever presented my life as such. I am sorry because that is not the truth. I too yell at my kids, for those who have just met me, my name is Pam and I’m a stay-at-home mom of four boys, ages 11 and under, and friends sometimes I feel like I say the exact same thing about 20 times in 10 minutes.  I also homeschool. And so the frustration of being a teacher, plus a mom who it’s overwhelming sometimes like I just want to, like, say, what do you mean you don’t understand how to this problem we just did it for three days. There are some not-so-great days where as much as I try to lean into Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me into producing fruits of the Spirit, sisters, I failed. And I don’t represent Christ at all, and I yell, I scold, I complain, flail my arms, I stomp, and more often than not, I go hard. I think you get the picture. It’s not always pretty, but I really want to give you some tips. And these like I said earlier, these are reminders for myself as well as some helpful tips for you, because in the midst of our crazy motherhood moments. Let’s face it, these little babies or grownups. I don’t know where you are on the motherhood spectrum, but I believe that this podcast will speak to you no matter where you are. These babies are God’s gift to us, no matter how crazy they make us. We love them so much. 

Number one, how to deal with your crazy motherhood moment. Take a moment with Jesus, truthfully ladies this moment needs to happen on a regular basis. And i’ve talked about the cast lately, it just seems to be on repeat for me, but you want to make sure that your spiritual cup is full. And you want to be spending consistent time in the Word, with the Father, consistent time with Jesus cannot be denied because it impacts every area of our life, our relationships, our home environment. Our work, you name it. Jesus impacts it, I love the story in Luke chapter 10 verses 38 through 42 of two familiar sisters, Mary and Martha. 

Jesus came to visit the sisters and Martha spent all of her time taking care of the house for the guest and Mary decided to sit at the feet of Jesus and spend some time with him. And Martha. Finally, is frustrated and she goes to Jesus and says, just let me preface this with this is Pam’s abbreviated version of the story. But Martha says to Jesus, Are you not going to tell my sister, to do something about her not helping. Jesus’s response to Martha is so profound to me on so many different levels. But he says to her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her. Now, let’s talk about this interaction between Jesus and Martha.

Jesus knows that Martha has more issues than just Mary sitting at his feet, at that moment. And so he tells her, you’re anxious and troubled about many things. Sisters, hear me. This is part of my confession moment. If I took a journal of every time that I unleashed on my kiddos, I can almost guarantee something else that is on my mind at the exact same time, while you and I are amazing human beings who are able to multitask, sometimes our brain can process, but so many decisions at once, and motherhood is a constant, major decision. Five kids yelling at you, screaming your name one is down the hall one’s upstairs one’s outside one’s in the car, I mean, like, there is just so much going on at one time, we cannot make that many major decisions that quickly. Our natural inclination when faced with multiple decision-making processes at once is to lead with anxiety, and a troubled mind, let me say that one more time. Our natural inclination when faced with multiple decision-making processes at once, is to lead with anxiety and a troubled mind. 

And this is where we find Jesus and Martha, Jesus then tells Martha that Mary has chosen the good portion. And so you may be asking well what is the good portion in the Old Testament, the good portion more often than not refers to fellowship with the Lord. So ladies, before you get to your Martha moment of desperation. Take a moment with Jesus. Several years ago, I decided that I was just going to be real with my kids. And when I felt myself losing control, I would tell the boys. I am going to need you to give mommy a moment. I need to pray, I need to spend some time with Jesus, and I’ll be right back. And my kids have since learned that when I say that, that they can recognize that this is kind of intense, and we need to let mom have her Jesus time. Ladies, I just don’t say that. For random moments like I’m real with my kids and they can tell that there is some trouble in my mind. And so that’s why I’m real and I say to them, Mommy needs a moment. I wish I could say that me and Jesus have this amazing like 30 minutes, in our secret place. But I have four kids and so it often only lasts about three to four minutes. I cannot keep them waiting forever, but they do respect that Mommy needs a moment. So what does that mommy moment look like for Pam? Honestly, the truth, it looks like repentance. So that leads us to number two.

Sisters if motherhood isn’t leading you to regular repentance, please let me now help you do it. As women of God, we need to recognize when we’ve missed the mark. We also need to be bold enough to say, Jesus, I’m sorry. You have given me these precious babies and right now I am so angry. Please forgive me, Lord, and lead me. Holy Spirit lead me. Next, I have to then ask for forgiveness for my kids. There needs to be repentance when i’ve lost control of my words, my actions, and my emotions. And so I look at my boys and I say, son. I am sorry that I yelled at you earlier. I was upset, and my actions were not okay. I know that they hurt you, and I really know that they didn’t honor God. And so can I ask for your forgiveness. So far, after 11 years of mothering, no one has denied me forgiveness. And more often than not, we talk about what led to that moment we hug, and I remind them how much I do love them, but I can’t think of anything greater in that moment than seeking repentance from my Lord and seeking repentance from my brother, because let’s face it, ladies. That’s exactly what our children are. They are also our brothers in Christ. 

Number three, be slow, and you probably know what Scripture I’m going to bring up with this, and this scripture is one that I need like a daily reminder of. Honestly, I should probably frame it and hang it up in my house. But James 1:19 says no, this my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filth and rampid wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. Alright, several things here from James that we need to point out.

Number one, in this list of things that he is telling us to do. He says, be quick to hear, let me put this into perspective with our kids. Okay, ladies. This goes for people who just gave birth to a baby, as well as people who have grown children often all of us fail in articulating exactly what we need to say or what is going on inside of us. So this is where we need to slow down and listen. We need to be quick to hear exactly what our children are saying or exactly what they are doing, not necessarily what you see or hear right in front of you but take a step back and observe the whole situation, listen to the whole story, watch the whole situation unfold next James tells us to be slow to speak, and this falls in line with the first instructions. If you’re going to be quick to hear that. You’ve got to shut your mouth, the ears and the mouth, don’t operate in unison, and you may say Pam What are you talking about I can hear and talk at the same time, just fine. But James isn’t instructing us to just hear like he’s telling us to listen to go deeper. 

What he is actually saying here with this word is that I need you to attend to consider what is going on perceive the situation, listen with your ears but also comprehend and understand, you definitely can’t listen when you are talking. None of us are that talented, when we are quick to listen and slow to speak, we will have a much easier time being slow to anger. Our souls aren’t spurred for anger at that moment. But we are able to slow down the process of immediate, anger, James, then reminds us that anger doesn’t produce the righteousness of God. And if the righteousness of God isn’t being produced then I am certainly not producing the fruits of the Spirit, either. And finally, James ends these three verses with a simple statement, receive with meekness the implanted word of God, sisters, this isn’t about us, to be meek means that you’re mild and gentle. And so gently received the implanted word is what James is saying here, gently, receive the implanted word. Yep, you can most certainly go to God and His Word, anger, and hostile, but a gentle spirit will allow God’s implanted word, to make a huge difference at that moment, in the moments to come.

Sisters, I wish I could say that I have a list of how to raise your kids so that you would never ever get angry at them, but we are humans, and often humans disappoint, they lie, they cheat, they hurt, we fail each other. Yes, even mothers and children fail each other. What we need to be able to do is recognize the moment before we unleash the crazy mom. Remember that our job in their life is to train them up in the ways of the Lord. And the best way to train up someone is to show them. So take your Jesus moment. Repent, and be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Make sure that you also forgive yourself when you don’t act exactly like you had hoped that you would. We are often our own worst critic. Sisters, we must allow Christ to do a work in our hearts, and I am positive that when we allow Christ to do that. Our children will be grateful that we did. 

Sisters, thank you for joining me today on this podcast. I am praying for you in your motherhood moments. And I am praying that God will be glorified. As you seek him to lead you in motherhood. I’m also praying that you will allow yourself room to grow in Christ. And forgive yourselves in moments that we are far from perfect. Remember, none of us can do this without Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

None of us.

Thank you so much for joining me today if you do not already follow me on social media I am on Instagram and Facebook at Jesus and Pam, I am forever grateful for those of you who have liked, subscribed, and shared these podcasts. Until next time ladies keep worshiping and finding joy in every moment.

 

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BASED IN north carolina, 
AVAILABLE WORLDWIDE

Pam Bailey

bible teacher + mentor

pam Bailey

bible teacher + mentor